I didn't know what to call this one because it's just a testament to how fucking rediculous we women can be. I was standing in the bathroom washing my face a few moments ago remembering sitting on a couch at Rubber Monkey with someone I adore. Someone I went on to not see for years, who, by the wonderfully fickle hand of fate, I reconnected with last year. Life is like that sometimes. People come in to (and out of - thank goodness) your life for a reason.
Anyway, the "I can't believe I found you" was amazing even though he's clear the hell on the other side of the continent - not only is fate fickle, but she's got a sense of humor too. So talking commenced, plans were made, visits were impending... hell I was gonna throw a hobostick together and move, since not much is keeping me in NY any damned way.
Moving it along, like a typical chick, I talked to my girlfriends about it. Big mistake. Huge. Hindsight is 20/20 and in hindsight I look reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal dumb. The girlfriend p.o.v.? "Girl you buggin, just because y'all found each other don't mean you got to run go see him. Make that nigga come to you. I don't care who's paying for it. Make that nigga work for it..."
Now I could go off on a hellafied 'you ain't one to talk' tangent but I won't. It's not for me to publicize anyone's business that doesn't involve me but I will say this. What in the fuck is wrong with us women period exclaimation point question mark
The fact that I've known this man since I was a wee lass didn't matter. The fact that I actually know he's good people means nothing. The fact that I had not only the cash, but the time to fritter away, was pointless. Fuck the fact that I needed a vaction. Screw the notion that I am single and can do as I damned well please. Never mind that his occupation and schedule made it unclear when we would be able to reconnect if we waited for him to come east. Pay no mind that sex was not the basis and end all to be all of this whole thing... Make that nigga work for what?
I decided to operate off the ego-trippin advice of chicks and in turn got to ego-fall-the-fuck-down myself. Damn, for a smart chick I sure can be dumb. Yeah fuck that, I ain't going running to no dude I ain't seen in years! Um, hi, you silly twit, you go runnin to a dude you shouldn't spit on if his head was on fire. But you won't travel to see someone you know cares? Brilliant, just brilliant. And just why is it running? You nincompoop. You want to see him. Uh, hello, you dolt, you've adored this man for years and it's wrong to want to go on a great ass vacation to spend time with him? How is NASA launchin them ships while you're in the Heights? And hold up, if we remember this correctly, the LAST time y'all didn't work out was behind one of your chick friends. That cost you 4 years. Didn't you learn last time *insert mental slap upside back of head*?
Ok all of that back story to say, I was washing my face smiling about something he said, thinking how great it's gonna be to just kick it soon and I looked up in the mirror and realized that I, yes I, was a complete and utter dumbass, because I could have been to see him and back if it wasn't for my stupid women's ego bullshit. Yeah I said it.
I know chicks aren't going to like this but it's true. We are control freaks that make emotional decisions (that most of us end up regretting) that we wouldn't have made if we had taken the time to think. Just think. That's why god gave us the ability to do so and men the ability to move furniture. Our brain.... It's our strongest muscle. Or it's supposed to be anyway. If we stopped to think that the world needn't revolve around our whims, narcissistic world view and constant desire for attention, we may just get a chance to enjoy this shit they call life. We make up problems that don't exist because people don't act the way we want them to but would shoot the first person that tried to change us right in the ass (well at least my uncontrollable self would be the first to grab a glock).
Ok. that's that. What's funny is ever since I went the way of the bald, seeing and remembering these things has gotten a bit easier. Don't get me wrong, I still fuck up on a grand scale when it comes to certain people who's effect I have yet to shake, but I'm getting better. Because now when I hear some dumbwomenego shit I recognize it. When I say or dare to think some dumbwomenego shit I can check myself. I got rid of so many people it's a wonder I have anyone to talk to at all but the ones that are left are the realest and we stay on point. Maybe I had to go through that shit so the universe could bring me here.
I just wish the universe had brought me around sooner. I could have avoided some bullshit in the process.
Besides... oh never mind.
I'm gonna go get a sandwich and take a walk in the rain.
-bbl
Anyway, the "I can't believe I found you" was amazing even though he's clear the hell on the other side of the continent - not only is fate fickle, but she's got a sense of humor too. So talking commenced, plans were made, visits were impending... hell I was gonna throw a hobostick together and move, since not much is keeping me in NY any damned way.
Moving it along, like a typical chick, I talked to my girlfriends about it. Big mistake. Huge. Hindsight is 20/20 and in hindsight I look reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal dumb. The girlfriend p.o.v.? "Girl you buggin, just because y'all found each other don't mean you got to run go see him. Make that nigga come to you. I don't care who's paying for it. Make that nigga work for it..."
Now I could go off on a hellafied 'you ain't one to talk' tangent but I won't. It's not for me to publicize anyone's business that doesn't involve me but I will say this. What in the fuck is wrong with us women period exclaimation point question mark
The fact that I've known this man since I was a wee lass didn't matter. The fact that I actually know he's good people means nothing. The fact that I had not only the cash, but the time to fritter away, was pointless. Fuck the fact that I needed a vaction. Screw the notion that I am single and can do as I damned well please. Never mind that his occupation and schedule made it unclear when we would be able to reconnect if we waited for him to come east. Pay no mind that sex was not the basis and end all to be all of this whole thing... Make that nigga work for what?
I decided to operate off the ego-trippin advice of chicks and in turn got to ego-fall-the-fuck-down myself. Damn, for a smart chick I sure can be dumb. Yeah fuck that, I ain't going running to no dude I ain't seen in years! Um, hi, you silly twit, you go runnin to a dude you shouldn't spit on if his head was on fire. But you won't travel to see someone you know cares? Brilliant, just brilliant. And just why is it running? You nincompoop. You want to see him. Uh, hello, you dolt, you've adored this man for years and it's wrong to want to go on a great ass vacation to spend time with him? How is NASA launchin them ships while you're in the Heights? And hold up, if we remember this correctly, the LAST time y'all didn't work out was behind one of your chick friends. That cost you 4 years. Didn't you learn last time *insert mental slap upside back of head*?
Ok all of that back story to say, I was washing my face smiling about something he said, thinking how great it's gonna be to just kick it soon and I looked up in the mirror and realized that I, yes I, was a complete and utter dumbass, because I could have been to see him and back if it wasn't for my stupid women's ego bullshit. Yeah I said it.
I know chicks aren't going to like this but it's true. We are control freaks that make emotional decisions (that most of us end up regretting) that we wouldn't have made if we had taken the time to think. Just think. That's why god gave us the ability to do so and men the ability to move furniture. Our brain.... It's our strongest muscle. Or it's supposed to be anyway. If we stopped to think that the world needn't revolve around our whims, narcissistic world view and constant desire for attention, we may just get a chance to enjoy this shit they call life. We make up problems that don't exist because people don't act the way we want them to but would shoot the first person that tried to change us right in the ass (well at least my uncontrollable self would be the first to grab a glock).
Ok. that's that. What's funny is ever since I went the way of the bald, seeing and remembering these things has gotten a bit easier. Don't get me wrong, I still fuck up on a grand scale when it comes to certain people who's effect I have yet to shake, but I'm getting better. Because now when I hear some dumbwomenego shit I recognize it. When I say or dare to think some dumbwomenego shit I can check myself. I got rid of so many people it's a wonder I have anyone to talk to at all but the ones that are left are the realest and we stay on point. Maybe I had to go through that shit so the universe could bring me here.
I just wish the universe had brought me around sooner. I could have avoided some bullshit in the process.
Besides... oh never mind.
I'm gonna go get a sandwich and take a walk in the rain.
-bbl
1 comment:
Peace,
I just moved in with someone I've only known since January.
The original plan was to be roommates, but as the relationship developed the need for extra bedrooms no longer existed.
My friends aren't happy - but I am.
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