My Personal Life On Display: Part III

As usual this post is geared towards the few involved. Everyone else probably won’t get it and that’s ok considering you weren’t meant to. You can skip it and wait for normalcy to return or you can view it and know that shit ain’t always sweet but I’ll always be honest… even in the midst of my crazy bullshit.

If it applies to you or you’re just plain nosey, feel free to grab a tasty beverage, some kind of snack and get your read on.

The best thing that came out of this whole fiasco was my amigo coming up with the theme song for my life
Bittersweet Symphony – The Verve

Enjoy the song

As usual, I cannot get through a span of time without making an utter ass of myself to some degree or another. It makes for an interesting time if it was just a silly “man I was druuuuunk!” moment, but this time it was so far left from center that even I can’t take it… and I’m the fool that did it. I won’t go into the gory details since at press time only 5 people know about the fiasco (Me, the person I affected, my boy, my dearest and my amigo). I know that’s probably 2 people too many, but they would have found out eventually and I’m not into the whole ‘hiding’ thing.
So let’s just say that my actions prompted yet another self-evaluation. I thought I had made a lot of progress. Pah! I think I was too busy patting myself on the back for how far I had come to pay attention to how far I have yet to travel. Old habits reared their ugly heads and I was once again the unreasonably angry, reactive little girl that ran the streets getting into way more shit than I needed to. And verily I say unto myself: Sheesh.
I’ve got to send out a message to someone who’ll probably never see it, but maybe a friend will tell a friend who will tell a friend that although I am completely batty, I’ve still got a little bit of conscience and heart left.

Begin message to MFM
I said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m not sorry because I knew what I was doing but I admit that I was dead wrong. Dead wrong for acting like a rabid jealous juvenile. Dead wrong for trying to raise up on someone who had, for the most part, done nothing. Dead wrong because I was not woman enough to accept that I couldn’t handle the situation and avoid the issue. Dead wrong for getting all amped and only succeeding in looking like an utter nitwit at some ungodly hour. Dead wrong for wanting to share pain because I’m intrinsically selfish and didn’t want to be hurt alone. Ah man, I was dead fucking wrong.
But shit happens for a reason. I got a chance to review my behavior in such a way that I’m chagrined (to say the least). Mostly because it affected more people than just you and I and that’s just not fair. My boy had to stop me from straight nutting out, my dearest had to hear I just went apeshit over some shit that was supposed to be long done, dead and buried, you had to watch someone you know act like a veritable idiot, my amigo had to cringe and worry if I’d be ok and I? I had to throw on the Moron of the Moment crown. Sheesh.
All I can say is it won’t happen again. And don’t believe for a moment that I am so magnanimous that I am promising this to you. Altruism has never been my forte. I’m promising myself since I’m a bit too old, got a bit too much to do, am a bit too smart and a bit too cute (oh you know I couldn’t pass up an ego stroke *snicker*) to be acting a bit too psycho.
I’m not asking for forgiveness at all. What’s done is done and hopefully we won’t cross paths ever again. But I have a sick, sinking feeling that neither one of us will be that lucky. Or maybe that's just what it's meant to be... I don't know who's sense of humor is worse, God's, Karma's or Murphy's. So let’s just hope that should we be so unfortunately fortunate again, the road will be different and less rocky. Much love, for the mere trifle that's worth. Peace.
End transmission.

- & I’m finally good.

P.S. I’ve gotta finish up some stuff so when I’m done I’ll be back to review St. Juste doing her damn thing and J*Davey kicking ass.
P.P.S. I am so jealous right now… I’d love to be on the beach/on the road/in the desert/feeling the breeze with you *sigh*
Soon…