Send A Letter

I just got off of the phone with a girlfriend of mine I hadn't spoken to in a couple of weeks. She'll remain nameless because it is her wish. While she doesn't mind me sharing the experience, she's not ready for Front Street.

We played catch up on the life and times of Mala and Ms. X. We talked about what we hoped and dreamed. We yapped about our current goings on. We griped about our over-abundances or lacks-thereof. We discussed what we wanted to accomplish and were striving for. Half way through the exchange she stopped and said "ah but Mala, it's so fuckin hard."
Then she began to cry. I joined her, because I know.

There's much to be said for the healing power of tears. I am learning to accept them more as a part of the cure than a part of the disease. I used to believe tears showed weakness. For me they were mostly a sign of deep frustration or anger (when enraged, I either weep or laugh uncontrollably). Tears were once begat by pain or suffering. Never to cleanse the soul. But this was different and in these trying times every little bit helps.

So we cried until we laughed about crying, since dried tears make your face itch something fierce. It is fuckin hard. It's hard to look back on life and wonder if you had just made that damned left at Albequerque, would things be different now. It's hard to look forward and see the obstacles you have to face. I had not too long ended a conversation about the self-same difficulties with Damn Mess minutes before talking to Ms. X.... It's so fuckin hard that it sometimes seems insurmountable. Thank God that we only are given what we can bear. So we cried about it being fuckin hard and this time we used tears to wash away some stuff that didn't need to be there any ole how. Before we hung up I suggested we try something new.

While we were still together on the phone, we started letters to ourselves. They began like this:
Dear Beautiful Woman,
I love you because...

Then we promised each other that we would complete them and mail them to ourselves in the morn. I have just finished my own (which went on for an amazing 12 pages, long-hand, front AND back), folded it, kissed it and sealed it. It made me feel so good that I had to call Ms. X back and see if she had finished hers before coming to share this with you all.

Send a letter to yourself. Fill it with love. I'm quite sure it will be one of the best missives you ever receive in your life.

- Vicissitude personified.
yup.