Just Why in the Hell?

am I up at the crack of dawn unable to write another sensible word?

Is there a commercial on for women's privatetimewhatchamacallits that shows a woman sneeze, obviously wet herself, giggle and try on a pair of shoes? You nasty bitch. You need to ask you Dr why you can't control your bladder.

Are they still lookin for Hoffa? The man is dead. Damn. What you need to be concentrating on is finding that little girl that disappeared from up the block.

Would you get so damn drunk that you fall over the side of a cruise ship? You're in the middle of the damn ocean! You don't get drunk on the Ledo deck!

(for the ladies only) Do you believe men when they say, "I only want to put it in, I'm not gonna move." He's lying.

Would you yell down half a block to ask me for a cigarette then wait patiently for me to walk out of my way to bring it to you? I won't even repeat the full "you're joking, right bitch" in mixed commpany.

Would you use kerosene rags on a stick to try to smoke out racoons in your attic and burn your house down? Why not just call the ASPCA to come get them? Now you're homeless and the racoons are chillin.

Did I eat nuggets in the middle of the night? We all know it isn't chicken.

Ok I'm delirious with a chance of pervert. I'm going to sleep.