Listen Dude, Do Not Step To Me If:

1. You wear silver herringbone chokers... as a matter of fact, anything herringbone and anything choker.
2. You are under 6' tall...as Grandpa Bey said, if a man is under 6 feet, his manhood is questionable at best.
3. You weigh 156 lbs... your kidding right? I'd still try to shoot a fair one with you, your manhood is still questionable.
4. You wear mesh shirts. That will get you shot on sight.
5. You spend more time in the mirror than me. You're a bitch and if I am going to deal with a bitch, I'm getting one with tits and a snatch.
6. The first words out of your mouth are "holla ma" then don't you ignant bastid.
7. I shouldn't have to explain this: you wear a thong....
8. You are toothless. Incisors, canines and molars are not optional, they are a fucking requirement, tu saavy?
9. You think your dick is the be all to end all I feel bad for you because I will hurt your feelings. I'm not impressed, I gave birth once so unless your shlepping 6 lbs around in your jockeys YOU AIN'T SAYIN SHIT.
10. You have some broad's name tattooed on your neck and it ain't your mama or your daughter. I might slit your throat.
11. You have more hair on your back than you do on your head.
12. You look like you are 7 months pregnant. Matter of fact, if you're fat (and you know if you are) at all. The sheer mechanics are impossible... it just wouldn't work.
13. You walk around biting your bottom lip because you think it's sexy. You ain't LL and reason 5 still stands.
14. Have a panther tattoo climbing your chest or carry a man purse. I DON'T DO METRO-HOMOSEXUAL. If you're gay, be gay, some of my best friends are but dammit make up your mind.
15. You refer to yourself by the nickname you gave your dick or you call it your cock.... I'll be laughing too hard to be bothered.
16. You offer to take me to a nice restaurant and when I ask where you say Olive Garden or Red Lobster. I'll have you jumped by crackheads for $5 in front my building when you come to pick me up.
17. You're in your late twenties or over and you still live in your room in your parent's crib. You fucking loser.
18. You're under 25. I don't babysit.
19. Use the words "irregardless" or "conversate" (luv ya Dawud) will force me to ram a dictionary down your throat. Also like-ded and two face-ded is enough to me to smack you with a tome of epic proportions.
20. You have chronic halitosis. You will be repaid with my chronic nasty attitude

There's more but my fingers hurt... I'll be back.